belladorra

Tuesday, June 1, 2010 at 12:00 PM

...everything happen for a reason it just lies behind abstract cover that make you confuse
you just need to believe...

I can't counting how many nights I've been wake up all day long to fill this stupidio deadline or how many dirty words and cursed, I shouted out loud under depression that this stupidio made me. Someone maybe said I'm too much, or in other word 'lebay'. Someone would said I'm expressive, yeah, I'm the one who dare to talk something that they only dare to think. Someone would hate me and the other would praised me. Well, honestly I don't give a damn about it. Care none! Because I just realized the fact that word is full of different kind of humans and not every human suited each other :)

But however, I do realized that I am a girl with a little-shitty mouth. Yeah, I know. I usually talk whatever pops out in my head, honestly. I'm used to admit something openly. Whether is good or bad. Maybe it just because my family. My father is Bugisness and my mother is Malaynesse. Both of their background develop me to become a girl with an open and democratic mind. Yes, I proud of it. I live in a city in nowhere Kalimantan where a socialism build in trusted based and cultural knowledge. Since I was a little girl, my environment teach me the way to became a girl who honest for every body and honest for her self. It's why I became talkative. It's why I used to talking much about what I feel, what I think, what I like, what I dislike openly. They used to say 'bad' for a bad thing and never forget to praised the good thing. And people are used to accept what people think about them. It make them change their stupid behavior and became a different person, a better person. Yes. It's very ordinary action in my hometown. They are honest!

Maybe it just too good to be true to happen in this place. I know, I know. Different place and different culture and tradition. Like people said, "Wherever land you step, There the sky you praised." I know, I should make my self comfortable here. Adapting and try to shut my mouth off even more. Yeah. Indeed. I don't care if I became the villain in this story. I just feel very uneasy to all person who heard my shitty mouth and curse I shared about. It just me.. with my satiric little self.

Well, I'm racist right now :| *Kill me... kill me*

Ah, I believe Allah SWT send me to this place to learn something. I just don't understand... yet.

Or maybe I just to homesick. I need my holiday.

Labels: jogja, life